Tuesday, November 3, 2009

"I'm not a real girl. I'm just Mary-John"


I'm tired. I'm sleepy. I'm tired of seeing this country go to pot. Let's do something about it. no, really. it's time.

I've been rude to my family lately.

I haven't shaved my legs in days...

I haven't taken off this nail polish...and i hate and abhor chipped fingernail polish.

There are people in our country trying to use our tax dollars to pay for the killing of our babies.

Sometimes I wish Facebook would disappear. Just run away...explore a new life, taking over some other society. (yet, who happens to be logged in right this minute??)

I'm not behind in school...yet. Tomorrow- Defensive driving course with Whitney. all day. Thursday, Friday, & Saturday- Working at Christmas Village. gag.

Senior Pictures: another thing still on the checklist.

Guess which teeth are still in my mouth and shouldn't be? ...oh wise ones...

How come I NEVER get to the rest of the stuff on my To Do list?

I feel like NOTHING I do am I doing a complete and thorough job, to the best of my abilities. I feel rushed in everything.

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I don't want to just get-by. Will I ever get to things like painting my closet doors and working on my stories from years ago? Finish every single piece of art work that i never finished? (there are many.)

What things could i accomplish if I managed my time more wisely? I don't want my life to fly by... and me think oneday...but there were so many things i never did. I never accomplished anything! because i was... lazy??

But it's alright.

I'm NOT behind in school.

I have a home and a family. that's all that matters.

My desire to get in the Word increases daily. I love how the more you read, the more you truly want to.

Thank you Lord for apologies. and forgiveness.

I am thankful for nail polish.

I can be happy now.

8 comments:

Chelsea said...

i know how you feel.

And i love you.

Pritchett said...

Dear "Merriest of the Johns,"
The bible and Charlotte Mason talk of setting your feet in a big room. We and you have definitely done just that. You have a glorious life filled to the brim with friends, books, music, school, responsibilites, ideas, Church and the responsibility of the "Christian Life". Thank God that your only goal is not to score higher on the latest Nintendo game or the ACT for that matter. But the price of living a big life is consciously prioritizing and decision-making--and sometimes having to make hard decisions--never sacrifice the "best" for the "good". And like it or not, it does require of you some discipline of routine so that you may "rush through the mundane" in order to "wallow in the sublime". YOu and I both struggle with our ADD--which makes some structure all the more necessary, and yet all the more difficult. No big answer here, just food for thought. Love, Pritchett

Rachel said...

I just recently blogged about all this..... but in not so many words.
Like Max said, I know just how you feel.

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. =]
You are amazing.

beatrice said...

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

-mark twain

i love that quote.

i've been feeling exactly this way recently... exactly. i feel like this is my life, i know where i am now... so where is all that time for living? all the things that are supposed to happen before you start living, in preparation for it... they're still going on, and are getting in the way of my living.

love you dearest, i miss you so much.

rachel tsunami said...

where you are is a good place. if you never go there, you are destined to be about a quarter inch deep. coming to terms with realities about your 'self' is not the highest end, but it is a worthy pursuit---because the answers lead you to an even better place. if you had not been raised in Truth, you could flounder around like this forever, but these periodic reality checks are invaluable for a pilgrim. they sort of clean your glasses.

you can't possibly know how much i love you.

Thumper said...

I get this....I feel the same way ...like I never quit finish things the way I want to

Thumper said...

*quite

maggie said...

kiss